Mystery in the Woods

My frightening encounter while disc-golfing alone in the woods

[The moment just before I entered the deep, dark woods]

I got up early on Father’s Day and knew it’d be a couple of hours before the fam awoke. So, to start the day with a bang, I decided to head out and disc golf nine holes at my local course, Two Mile Run Extension in Brighton Township (Pa.).

I enjoy disc golfing by myself. I just listen to a podcast on my headphones and appreciate some alone time in nature. It’s relaxing. Plus, no one is there to see me throw my first drive directly into a tree, and I can take as many re-dos as I want.

The first few holes went well, i.e., I was even par and didn’t lose any discs in the poison ivy. It was only around 7:45 a.m., but the tropical humidity we’ve been dealing with this spring in Western PA was hanging thick in the air. Still, it was so peaceful out there, and I was having a blast.

Then I got to Hole #4, a long par 5 that snakes down into the woods. It’s one of the more heavily wooded holes on the course. I launched a beautiful drive out into the wide open field in front of me. Then, I threw another good disc down into the wooded area, which, I noticed, was much darker and somewhat foreboding.

As I walked into the woods and started looking around for my disc, I was startled by a huge white-tailed buck, which turned and looked at me before bounding off into the undergrowth. It was beautiful.

Then, as I bent down to pick up my disc and make my third throw, suddenly this strange cracking noise broke the silence. It repeated three or four times and was coming from somewhere in the undergrowth up ahead. I paused my podcast and listened as I scanned the wood line for the source of the sound, but I didn’t see anything.

So, I continued to finish the hole (I made a bogey), and then walked down to the next hole, a downhill par 3. I kept my headphones off, though, just in case that strange cracking sound started up again. It didn’t.

After throwing a nice drive down the center of the sloped fairway, I walked towards my disc and prepared to make my birdie attempt. That’s when it happened: a growl—a deep, rumbling growl—came out of the line of jaggerbushes to the side of the fairway, maybe forty or fifty feet away. That was no deer, I thought to myself. My next thought was, How am I gonna protect myself if something comes charging out of the woods? I turned and looked down at my little disc-golf purse. Maybe I could swing it at the creature. Or, maybe I could just fire off a bunch of discs at it and stun it before making my hasty retreat. But then I thought, You can barely hit a stationary basket, you idiot! How do you think you’re going to hit a frothing, ravenous beast (Bear? Bigfoot?) charging at you full speed?

Calmly, I finished the hole while keeping one eye on the area where the growl had come from. I continued to look behind me as I went on to the next tee. Thankfully, nothing came out of the woods to devour me alive as I whimpered and smacked it with a plastic disc.

Obviously, since I’m writing this, I survived that scary encounter and even finished my round with a decent score (+4, 39). And although that experience was a bit unnerving, I don’t plan on quitting solo disc golfing anytime soon. Though I may bring along some pepper spray in the future, just in case.

That, or a Louisville Slugger. ~